so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
