My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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