dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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