I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
