You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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