I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
