sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
