I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize