didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
