bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
