She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
