separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
