i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
