It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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