i already hear my dad disowning me
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
