mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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