i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize