Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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