I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
