peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
