I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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