and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
