im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
