i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
