btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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