so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
