i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
