At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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