What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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