my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You have to summon your inner elephant
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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