The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
We're too hungover to prance.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Randomize
