You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
