I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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