I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
