Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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