Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
