nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
home. puking in laundry basket.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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