if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
