yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
