Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
