You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize