The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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