apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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