remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
