how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
