your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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