I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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