why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
