Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
