new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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