We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
