the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
