Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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