he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
We are two peas in an std pod
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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