I'm so fucking centered right now
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
