No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
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