Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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