Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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