In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
you traded sex for a burrito?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
