i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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