A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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