So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
