Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
