If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Dicks are not precious.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
