lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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