So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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