Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
