I can't breathe out the right side of my face
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
