please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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