well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize