My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
