mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
