D3 body, D1 cock
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
