I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
